The Security of Silence

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As of late I’ve been reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. I’ve whole heartedly identified with Juliet Ashton, the lead character, due to her love of books and her fiery temper. I’m thoroughly enjoying the book so far, but there is one quote that has stuck with me over the past few days. Juliet, looking back on a broken relationship, writes in a letter to her dear friend Sophie,

I can’t think of anything lonelier than
spending the rest of my life with
someone I can’t talk to, or worse,
someone I can’t be silent with.

I highlighted the quote because it struck me as one of the truest statements I’ve read in a long time. Then I began mulling over the quote and comparing it to my relationship with my husband. That was when the truth of it really struck me.

When my husband and I started dating, we talked on the phone every evening. He would call me around 8:00 and we would talk for hours. Nothing was too mundane. We wanted to know everything about each other. We talked about music, movies, families, our youth, etc, etc. We had both been through the wringer with previous relationships so we talked about that as well. We had both decided to be really honest with each other because we didn’t want to end up in the same situation as before. So our connection led to a 2 1/2 year courtship and we married on December 11, 1999.

About a year into our marriage I realized we hardly ever talked any more. We could sit through dinner and say almost nothing. It really worried me. I thought to myself, “Oh my God! How am I going to spend the rest of my life with a man with whom I have nothing to converse about?” I’d even get weepy about it at times. I thought we had lost the connection I had cherished in the beginning of our relationship. I really believed we had run out of things to talk about. I was horrified!! I didn’t want to be one of those stodgy old couples who go through the motions and don’t even remember why they started going through them in the first place.

As time went on I realized we had simply fallen into a comfortable pace. We didn’t have to keep up appearances. We didn’t have to entertain each other. There were no pretenses, no pretending, no shallowness. We were able to just be ourselves. There is a surety in that, a security in knowing that the person you’re with knows everything about you and still wants to spend time with you. It is deep and it is true.

I thank God I was able to find my soul mate. He is a man who loves my smarts, finds my ravenous appetite for books endearing, enjoys my sarcastic sense of humor, puts up with my snarky attitude and loves me. He just loves me. It is beautiful that he doesn’t even have to tell me for me to know.

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